Click, Click, Click……

For some reason, I’ve been avoiding my own blog.

I think that things must be changing so quickly right now, that my typing skills just can’t keep up. As difficult and flat out weird as my life is getting, I can only hope that there are others of you sharing my experience. If not, more’s the pity. This whole thing has been one hell of a ride and I’m fairly certain that I’ve yet to encounter the first drop. I love roller coasters, but how high does this track climb? Look out, below!

I haven’t considered myself as a person with any real options for quite some time. I wonder why? When I look back, I can see them all dancing around me. Why was I so blind to them before now? Two years ago, Abba deposited an extremely radical idea into my spirit and I’ve been uncovering it ever since. As He peels back the leathered layers of illusion and distorted self perception, the truth of it washes over me with fresh insight. With each wave it is stronger and clearer and the light of His great love shines brighter and warmer. I stand naked and unashamed in it. I am exposed more and more and I almost don’t mind it, anymore. Almost.

It’s like I’ve been standing in a candy store all of my life watching others gorge themselves on chocolates and sours while a stood there content just to be there and spectate. Not only can I have anything I want, as much as I want, but the confectioner has prepared a special signature treat in my honor for me to enjoy and share with everyone. All this time, I’ve been a guest at my own party. What’s up with that?

When we finally take our eyes off of our own fears and shortcomings to look around at the reality of who we are, that’s when the real party starts. I’ve missed way too much of mine. Don’t miss yours.


Our Robot Overlords, I Mean, Protectors

What’s the rush?

You ever wonder why we’re always in a hurry? This subject has been chatted up quite a bit in the last few decades and yet, we show no signs, whatsoever, of slowing down. Why is that? I blame television. That’s when it all started. We had a lot more time on our hands before the screens took over. We sit and stare at the screens for hours on end and then we go out and do the stuff that the screens tell us to do. Now we’re just trying to hurry up and get to work/school/wherever so we can hurry up and get back to our screens. Isn’t that what it really boils down to? I’m a little put out whenever I have to leave my screen. I feel a little denied, a little deprived.

The screens fill our eyes with distorted pictures of what life should be about so we spend any extra time we might have, chasing after things that don’t really exist. We want to live like the t.v. people. We want beautiful homes and nice car(s), big hair and white teeth, slender bodies and fashion accessories. We want an exciting life like those people have. We want our money for nothing and our chicks for free, right? What we see on the screens is not reality, you know that, don’t you? Do you? Do I? We know it’s not real but we sort of believe it, anyway, don’t we? We’ve gotten used to the t.v. people. We feel like we know them. We feel like we can trust them. What’s wrong with looking good and feeling good and wanting nice things? Nothing. But what are we trading in? Nothing’s for free, not as far as the world is concerned. Everything’s got a price. How high are we willing to go?

25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.    Romans 1: 25

This verse is smack in the middle of a discourse on sexual immorality, but I think it’s appropriate here because these are all under the ‘lust of the eyes’ category.

15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.   1 John 2: 15-17

If we want our lives to slow down, if we want our days to mean something, let’s turn our screens off. Think about it. What has a screen done for you, lately? Do you ever come away from a screen feeling refreshed and encouraged? Do you feel happy and content when you finally peel yourself away from the screen and crawl into bed? Does your heart feel happy and light when you keep a news channel on all day? Even the weather channel is a drag, isn’t it? How much better off are we after watching brutality, lust, and inane dialogue for three to six hours a day? And the commercials, I feel so manipulated and abused by them. Here’s a thought, if the massively large and powerful advertising companies are pouring millions upon millions of dollars into selling campaigns specifically designed to steer the capitalist herd, who’s steering them? Hmmm.

Are We There, Yet?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there!?


Hello? Who’s there??

garble, mumbly, grumblefrumm…..


……….Inferiority complex…..

Inferiority complex who!?

sigh….. Nevermind.

I left the community college the other day around ten in the morning, after signing up and getting the skinny. They gave me papers with information about grants and tests and they all told me how proud they were of me, making the decision to go back to school. It was a very nice way of reminding me how much older I was than the general student body. As I turned onto the interstate a loud voice in my head said, “I’m hungry!” I remembered having breakfast just a few hours earlier and wondered how this could be. That’s when a very small, very kind voice said, “No, you’re not.” I agreed, “No…..I’m not.” The discussion continued, “If I’m not hungry, what is this feeling that I am experiencing, right now?” A second or two passed before the answer came through, “It’s inferiority.”

I’ve had this annoying little suspicion creeping around in my head for a week or so, now. I’m pretty into myself so I find it hard to believe that such a thing could be true, but it is. It’s obvious to everyone but me that I have struggled with intense feelings of inferiority for most of my life. I’ve always believed that I was smart, but not quite smart enough. Grade school was one thing, I could bluff my way through that one. But college? I always thought that the reason I blew it off, was because I had no interest in it, whatsoever. The truth is, I was scared. I was afraid that those people would bust me for the phony that I was, right away. If I went up there where they were smarter, prettier, and richer than I was, I’d stand out like a cheap suit. I’d be a joke. Looking at it, now, it seems ridiculous to me. That means that God has been dealing with a lot of those feelings and putting my worth into its proper perspective. Still, there’s a few boogers lurking about and it hurts every time one of them gets loose.

There’s been a lot of people talking about being frustrated in their spiritual walk because they feel like they’re supposed to be doing something but they don’t know what it is. My answer to that is, “Bullshit. Yes, you do.” There is a time for waiting upon the Lord. Cripes, Moses waited around until he was eighty years old. I wonder if he complained about being frustrated. Maybe he was happy and content until he was, say, seventy-five. God’s timing is always perfect, but maybe He knew it would take fifty plus years in the desert to wake His boy up. Maybe God knew that Moses had to waller around in his personal stuff for a good, long time before he was of any use. I don’t want to be like that. I’ve only had to waller for just under thirty. All I’m saying is, get it together and face your stuff so you can get rid of it and move on. Of course, God makes good use of our waller times, in spite of our fears and frustrations. He can even reap a bountiful harvest from our trips around the mountain. He did with mine. After all that good living in the desert, I’m ready for anything.

5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.   Joshua 1: 5,6

Like I said, God’s timing is always perfect. I’ve known all along that there was more to me than meets the eye. It was that loud, hungry voice that shouted it down all those years. That’s ok, He brought about a great deal of beauty during my sheep herding years. He turned my poverty into riches. Now I can be strong and courageous and take the land that was promised to me a long time ago. It’s my inheritance. It’s my birthright. Will I end up with a degree? I don’t know, but if I’m willing to take the first step I know He’ll lead me in the right direction.

Who’s Who

I’ve hit a dry patch, lately.

Not that I ever run out of things to say, or that I tire of an audience, ever. Even if the faithful are just a handful of beautiful kooks, I am honored and grateful to serve you my brain from time to time. Indeed, you are all most patient. I suppose that the real gravy of life resides in the changing seasons. As a child, I feared them. As an adult, I fought them. But I would just as well fight the tide or charge the wind. Tides will roll and winds will blow no matter how desperately we flail about, swinging our fists and ranting.

The mind of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.   Proverbs 16: 9

Fighting God is useless, and really, why do I want to? Why do I think my way is better than His?

8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.
9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.   Isaiah 55: 8,9

Obviously, He has a much better perspective on things. As I look back on my life and consider all of the plans that I have had for myself and compare them to what He is offering to me now, well, there is no comparison. Had I the power to change anything about where I’ve been, where I am, or where I’m going, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change a thing. If life has taught me nothing else, it has taught me this one great truth. Who I am, is who He made me to be and my job is to be that who.

You and Me, and the Goat Makes Three

I don’t believe in ‘not enough’.

When I was six years old, our neighbor gave me a goat. He was the cutest thing and I was so proud of him as I was leading him home. My parents were not nearly as impressed with him as I was. We had just moved to the country and there was so much work to be done. They knew who would end up taking care of him. What could they do? He was a gift and nobody wanted to be the bad guy, making a little girl give her goat back. What to do, what to do? They decided to do what they did best, talk me out of it. It wasn’t hard. After only a few minutes they had me in tears, begging my neighbor to take the animal that I was obviously under qualified to care for. What did I learn that day? For starters, I learned that I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time and that I need the affirmation and guidance of others in order to make any kind of rational decision. I can’t handle it, I’m not good enough.

I’ve thought about that little goat a lot, lately. I remember looking out the kitchen window at the poor thing tied to a stake in the ground. It crushed my heart to think that he had no idea how precarious his future was, being left in my questionable care. I lost all confidence in myself and my capabilities that day. Can you remember when you lost yours?

A few years ago, Abba started talking to me about the life I should be living and the good things that He paid so dearly for me to have. He began showing me how I had sold myself short.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.   2 Corinthians 9: 8

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?   Romans 8: 32

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.   Joshua 1: 5

There are so many references to this screaming truth, I could fill the page and then some. Of course, there’s the entire eighth chapter of Romans. Do yourself a huge favor and take a bite of that one. My parents were probably right about my not understanding the responsibility of taking care of the goat, but they may have underestimated my capacity for loving it. They were loving people who had raised a loving child. The next step was obvious; allow a loving child to learn how to put love into action. It might have been shaky at first but, remember, love never fails and there’s always enough for everything and everybody.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 4: 19


Bozos For Jesus

How To See God Move In Your Life:

1)  Acknowledge His infinite love and endless mercy for you as His exquisite, one of a kind, work of perfection, and object of His greatest passion; that His thoughts of love for you outnumber the grains of sand on every sea shore that ever was: and that each thought is complete in its unique story of a different facet of your being and His wonderful plan for that moment of your existence based on the limitless power of His eternal Self. Got that? Ok…….

2)  Now, live like it.

What would your life look like if you were completely convinced of your place in Abba’s heart? You might do and say things that would make you appear to be a little…..crazy. You might just look like an idiot. Take a stroll through the Old Testament, some time, and count the idiots. They weren’t really idiots, not to God, but they sure looked like it to the common folk. Can you imagine what the locals had to say about Noah? That old man had to know who he was in God’s esteem before he could pull a stunt like that in front of his in-laws. You know I love David. He was a runt against a giant; a mean, seasoned, battle-hardened, run-for-your-life, here-he-comes, giant. There was a whole army of fighting men who were scared to death of him. I wonder what they were saying amongst themselves when the word got out that David was talking some smack? I guarantee it had the Hebrew word for ‘idiot’ in it, somewhere.

Occasionally, somebody comes along with a glimmer of understanding of what God can do through one sold out individual. They don’t act like the rest of us, they don’t talk like the rest of us, and they couldn’t care less what anybody thinks about them or the weird things they’re up to. When you catch a glimpse of God’s vision for your life, you want it all, no matter what. Hey, think about all the idiot things you’ve done in your life.

Reflect on them for a moment.

Take your time.

Now imagine that God’s will and power are behind that crazy idea that you’ve been mulling over in your Christian mind, some of you, for years. What if you did that thing? It’s no worse than wearing a toga to your wedding rehearsal dinner, painting your chest for a sporting event, dancing the hoochie dance at the downtown barbeque last year because you drank a little too much. Instead of being a regular bozo, be a bozo for Christ. And God does love Him a bozo. It’s one of the great truths that I hinge my life on. I’ve come to depend on it and He hasn’t disappointed me, yet.

If you really want to see God do what He does best, let your freak flag fly, let it all hang out, go be the flailing imbecile that you know you can be and be that imbecile in Jesus’ Name!

 11 “When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, 12 for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.”   Luke 12: 11,12

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.   1 Corinthians 1: 27

Whenever a man or woman stands up for the Name, looking like an idiot, there’s always a moment when the tables turn. The Truth of God comes down and the world is silent in the presence and the revelation of it. It’s the moment when the rain starts falling, when the giant drops his shield and spear and hits his knees. Now who’s the idiot?

Wolverine Rocks

Live like you’re dying.

That’s a very popular little quip, lately. I see it on shirts and plaques, hear it on the radio, read it at the book store and on the internet. Give me a break.

What is the essence of such a sentiment? What is the greatest hindrance to my quality of life that keeps me from living it to the fullest? What prevents me from really grabbing the gusto? Hmmm. Ok, here’s my proposal: fear of man. Churchie people know what I’m talking about, right away. We discuss it among ourselves from time to time. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I’m afraid of people as much as it suggests that I am afraid of what people may or may not think…..about me. You get it.

Back to the original statement; live like you’re dying. If I’m dying, I probably don’t give a flying flip what anybody thinks about me or anything else. There’s no time for that. Isn’t that why we all love Wolverine from the X Men? For those of you who aren’t acquainted with this particular comic book character, Wolverine, aka Logan, is basically immortal. He has the power to instantly heal from any injury. In the stories, he’s lived for several hundred years and he’s over it. He’s been creeping around long enough to realize that what other people think means exactly doodlie squat. He does what he wants and says what he wants with little to no concern over the thoughts or opinions of those around him. Awesome. In his case, time is irrelevant. Either way, time and one’s perspective of it, seem to be major factors. I wonder why that is?

Maybe it has something to do with our perception of what we think we have or what think we stand to lose, based on this flimsy criteria. It could be wealth or position, or something more personal like self-esteem or self-worth. The man who’s dying has nothing to lose, neither does the man who cannot die. As Christians, is it not true that we are both dying to our fleshly desires and immortal in Christ? In a spiritual sense it would appear that we have nothing to lose. Worldly concerns should hold very little interest to us. As the people of the Light, we are far more concerned in seeking that which is lost, that which holds its value in terms of the eternal.

11 in God I trust and am not afraid.
   What can man do to me?  Psalm 56: 11

This is a very good question. If I truly believe that Abba is in complete control and that all things are subject to Him, what do I care what you think of me? Disclaimer: Remember, all things being done in love, or else they are worthless, (1Corinthians 13). That being said, my actions should reflect my beliefs. Why do I feel the need to conceal from my brothers what is fully known to God? It’s like the little girl playing hide and seek, pulling her skirt up over her head thinking that if she can’t see you, then you can’t see her. Just because I hide the truth of who and what I am from my brothers, do I think that I am fooling God, as well? If I’m straight with Him, do my brothers deserve any less? What’s the worst thing that could happen? I look foolish, I am ridiculed, I am ostracized, I am punished, I am killed? If my account with Abba is settled, what do I care what happens to me? I don’t know many people who live as though they held this belief to be true, myself included.

Anyone could take the above argument to any number of extremes. Please don’t. It all goes over my head after that. All I know, is that I experience a tremendous sense of relief in just being me in front of my brothers and sisters, God and everybody. Pretending is hard, especially when the game takes over. We’re older, now, and wearing our big girl panties. No more hide and seek.